


Hawaiian Honeymoon

by MaraMcGregor



Series: Adventures with Baked Potatoes [3]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic), Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Honeymoon, Improper Police Procedure, M/M, Pre-Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams, Russian Mafia, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 16:16:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18553315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaraMcGregor/pseuds/MaraMcGregor
Summary: Bitty and Tater are newly married and off on their honeymoon to Hawaii. It's picture perfect in every way. And then they have a run in with 5-0.Part 3, but chronologically between 1 and 2. Can be read as a stand alone piece, just like all the fics in this series.





	Hawaiian Honeymoon

**Author's Note:**

> After Part 1, before part 2. This whole series can be read in any order as they are snippets from the same universe.

Honeymooning in Hawaii might be the cliché thing to do. Tater was informed of this several times by various Falcs. Why not go to Paris or somewhere romantic? Tater just shook his head. He had never been to Hawaii and neither had Bitty. The only travel they had done was for training or competition and there was no hockey or figure skating need to go to Hawaii. Their passports were well-worn and traveled. Their honeymoon was for somewhere the both of them had never been.

It was an extremely long flight. First the cross-country flight and then crossing half of the Pacific. Tater was grateful that they bought one of the honeymoon packages from their resort. A limo driver was waiting for them by their baggage claim with leis in hand. “Aloha. Welcome to Hawaii and congratulations. I will take you straight to your hotel. As you get checked in, the bellhop will take your bags to your suite. Is there anything you would like to do before we get to the resort?”

Tater grinned and shook his head. “Anything you are wanting?”

Bitty smiled and twined his fingers through Tater’s. “Nope. I’m just ready to get to the hotel and find the bed.”

Tater leaned down and gave him a peck on the cheek and whispered in Russian, _"W_ _e are going to do many things on that hotel bed. I can’t wait to see you on it and surrounded by flowers. But, the most beautiful thing will still be you."_

Bitty blushed and lightly shoved Tater with his upper arm. “You are a menace.”

The resort was gorgeous. Bitty couldn’t believe how beautiful the view of the ocean was from their suite. “Sweetpea, you’ve gotta see this.”

Tater came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his middle, resting his head on top of Bitty’s. “Is picture perfect. Have two weeks to enjoy beautiful islands. Am thinking maybe we take nap before dinner. Jet lag is having my ass.”

“It’s a very lovely ass to have.”

Tater smiled broadly and hoisted Bitty over his shoulder. “We are finding out how good soundproofing is!”

Bitty laughed and smacked Tater’s butt the moment it came into view. “That is not taking a nap!”

“Take nap after. Is honeymoon!”

* * *

The package was everything either of them had ever dreamed of. They went horseback riding down a canyon and behind waterfalls on the third day. Bitty was quite capable of handling a horse. He hadn’t had time to do much riding since he made his push for the Senior Division, but it was easy to find his rhythm again.

Tater, on the other hand, had never been on a horse. He had never even seen one up close. And he was a rather tall professional athlete. He ended up on a roan gelding called Big John. And it still wasn’t a perfect fit. It wasn’t horribly undersized, but it wasn’t what Bitty would have chosen for Tater to feel comfortable in the saddle, either. That being said, Big John was easily the sweetest horse out of the lot. Tater offered it pieces of apple and was delighted when Big John gently nibbled them directly out of the palm of his hand. “Is like large dog. Very large dog.”

Bitty swore he took a million pictures. They were instantly posted to his Instagram. He quietly noted that the Falcs posted their well-wishes before anyone else had the chance to make a comment. He had to admit, it was nice to have a well-oiled PR team at their backs. It was followed by a flurry of Falcs players and chirps.

They went snorkeling and took surfing lessons. That was extremely picture worthy. They both could balance on knives on the ice … but that did not translate to the ocean. Frozen was how they both preferred their water. Bitty felt a bit bad for their teacher. He was patient and diligent in his instruction. He obviously worked with tourists of all fitness levels and was ready to give it his best shot. And he seemed rather excited to work with two professional athletes who were arguably at the tops of their respective sports. He did not get two people who intended to take surfing seriously. He got skaters who thought warm water was for goofing off in.

Bitty figured that the instructor finally and truly gave up when Tater picked him up lack a sack of potatoes and started running in circles around the surfboards. After an hour, they finally put the boards in the water and didn’t go much further. Bitty tried to paddle like he was shown, but the movement of the water beneath him was disconcerting at best. Tater tore off too far and tried to push up and catch a wave. He promptly lost his balance and tumbled into the ocean. Bitty sat up straight and tried to look for his husband and could feel his heart start to pick up pace when Tater popped up like nothing was wrong.

“Okay, Lyoshka, I think I’m done. I’ll just lay on the beach and work on my tan. Lord knows that we don’t get a chance the other nine months of the year.”

“Is fine. You taking lots of pictures and posting to Instagram. Falcs and fans will love seeing me catch big wave.”

“Just as long as you promise to come back to shore in one piece.”

Tater gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Am always coming back to you. Not promising always in one piece though. But, can promise ocean not taking any pieces.”

* * *

Steve McGarrett was staring at the large screen in the main office of 5-0 headquarters. The intel they had was about to expire. They had just found the name and registration of the boat that the Russian mafia was using to traffic cocaine between the islands. And it looked like the catamaran was scheduled to leave in thirty minutes. He had tried to get the dock master to hold the boat for them, but their calls went straight to the answering service.

The Russian mafia was using a tour company as a front to conceal their illegal activities. They had even hired locals to run the customer facing tour. Which meant that there were civilians on the boat that they could take as hostages if they thought anything was up.

“Chin, grab your gear.”

“Danny’s not going to like this.”

“Danny can book them when we get back to the pier.”

Chin chuckled. “Your funeral, brah.”

Steve smirked and spun on his heal, knowing very well that he would get an earful from Danny when they showed up after performing an arrest on the water. He hit speed dial for Grover as he blew through the doors to 5-0’s offices. “Hey, can you get SWAT ready for a water boarding? We found where the Russian Mafia is and they are on the move with civilians on board their catamaran.”

* * *

They had three days left of their honeymoon before they had to start the long journey back to Providence. So, today was the last excursion they were planning on attending. That left the last two days to relax, sleep, and generally enjoy each other’s company at the gorgeous resort. The hotel shuttled them out to the pier where their tour was set to leave from.

Lahaina Catamaran Tours was highly rated. The reviews all agree that the local guides knew all the best spots to take the boat for whale watching and snorkeling. When they walked up to the tour boat, it did not disappoint. The local guides handed out leis and piña coladas as they stepped on board. Tater and Bitty picked a spot and laid out their towels next to each other. A few people were already there and chatting.

Bitty noted the one older man who sniffed at them disdainfully. He turned around and stretched, deliberately showing off his lithe frame. The old man could be bitter all he wanted, Bitty was young and happy with his newly wedded husband.

Tater reached up and wrapped one large hand around his waist. Without effort, he pulled Bitty into his lap and kissed his cheek. “Showing off for all other tourists? Or to make me only see you and not ocean?”

Bitty smirked. “A bit of both. Rubbing it in the old grouch’s face that we are happy, young, married, and _so very gay._ " 

They made it well off shore before the catamaran started turning towards a small island. The guide was enthusiastic and described the types of fish that they could see if they chose to go snorkeling. Another crew member was stationed behind a small bar and setting out glasses for piña coladas. A good three-quarters of the tourists lined up for snorkeling gear and a deckhand tossed a buoy out to signal to other boats that swimmers were in the water.

Bitty started moving their towels out to a better spot of sun when he heard a faint voice speaking in Russian. “Lyoshka?” But, when he turned around, it wasn’t Tater.

Tater was also looking back towards the cabin searching for the person speaking Russian on a Hawaiian catamaran tour.

They didn’t have to wait for very long. A man came up from below deck and grinned, _"So,_ _it is true. The Great Alexei Mashkov has graced our boat. And you brought your husband!”_

He was followed by three more people, all distinctly out of place, but all speaking Russian.

_“It is a shame that you won’t be allowed to play hockey for Russia. Not everyone agrees with the garbage that Putin spouts.”_

Tater and Bitty relaxed and put on their best media smiles. Bitty leaned into Tater’s side and extended his hand. _“It’s nice to know Lyoshka still has fans in Russia."_

One of the burlier men shook his offered hand. _“_ _Hockey and figure skating are revered Russian sports. You are both excellent athletes. Only fools would think anything else matters."_

The one who first approached them introduced himself. _“_ _M_ _ikhail Sokolov. I hope you enjoy your tour with everyone. Hawaii really is beautiful. And we have the best snorkeling guides on the islands."_ He paused for a moment and gave them a piercing look. _“When you are done, we usually play cards below deck. Come and join us if you like."_

Tater nodded and patted Sokolov on the shoulder. _“We can play cards and maybe drink good Russian vodka? ”_

The four men all laughed.

 _“As if we would deny one of the greatest Russian hockey players and the current greatest men’s figure skater the joys of good vodka._ _”_ His lips quirked. _“_ _Of course, next season I am sure you will have to settle for second best figure skater in the world. ”_

Eric laughed at the audacity. _“_ _I never settle for second best."_

Sokolov patted him hard on the shoulder, head back, laughing. _“_ _Y_ _ou are definitely an honorary Russian. No wonder Alexei Mashkov snatched you up!"_

“ _You should go snorkeling. The reef here is stunning. When you get back, we’ll open the vodka and play poker. ”_

Bitty laughed. _“_ _You better be good. We get semi annual practice in Vegas with the Aces.”_

Sokolov just grinned. _“_ _I guess we will just have to find out. We play for cash but we can use chips until we get back to land."_ He gave Tater and Bitty a once over. _"Somehow I doubt that you are carrying all that much on you."_

The dive was absolutely beautiful, as promised. Tater gesticulated wildly every time another colorful fish ducked into a part of the reef. When he saw a pufferfish, he mimed blowing up and pretended to roll away with the current. Bitty had to keep surfacing to keep from inhaling ocean water from laughing. But, ocean swimming was tiring, particularly after laying out in the sun while the boat took them to the site. They clambered back on board and dried off enough to be able to handle cards and went below decks with the promise of excellent alcohol and entertaining company.

The tour group slowly returned to the boat in ones and twos. As they boarded, they each settled back on their towels, tropical drinks in hand.

Tater laughed as Bitty once again won the hand and raked the pile of chips towards him.

_“Your husband is a ringer. Please tell me you are working together, conspiring in some way -”_

_“No. He is very good at poker. He keeps telling me that he learned from church ladies at BINGO night.”_

Sokolov and Tater turned when they heard Kotik groan and Bitty giggle. “Oh hon, didn’t you ever hear the phrase don’t put all your eggs in one basket? That applies to cards, too. Don’t be goin’ all in unless you know you can’t lose.” Bitty patted him on the arm. “Now, why don’t you go grab me one of those pretty drinks from the bar and I’ll tell you all about the time my MooMaw caught my daddy playing strip poker in the barn in mixed company.”

Only a couple of minutes passed when Kotik came back to the poker table, hands in the air.

Sokolov stood up and pulled a gun from under the table.

“Hands in the air! 5-0! Mikhail Sokolov, you are under arrest.”

Bitty sat stunned, eyes wide, hand over his chest. “What on earth -”

“Everyone put your weapons down,” the man with his weapon pointed at the back of Kotik barked.

Sokolov glanced at Tater and Bitty and knew that he couldn’t risk the two of them in a shootout. Grunting in displeasure, he flicked the safety back on and placed his gun on the ground. “Is fine. Everyone is laying down weapons.”

Several more police officers forced their way down the stairs, weapons out and pointed at the card players. The man in the lead yelled out, “On the ground, hands behind your backs!”

Bitty turned, wide eyed, to stare at Tater and Sokolov. Sokolov put a hand on Tater’s forearm and stopped him from rushing over to his husband. _“_ _Lay down. It is safer for everyone. I don’t want trigger happy American cops hurting either of you."_

Tater nodded and knelt on the ground, then laid face down on the floor. He kept his eyes trained on Bitty’s terrified face and nodded. Bitty slowly followed suit along with the rest of the Russians below deck.

The cops stepped over them and zip-tied their hands together behind their backs and grabbed them none too gently by their elbows and hoisted them on their feet. Bitty was nearly yanked clear off his feet by a large man that had a good 100 pounds on him. It took everything in him to keep quiet and not protest the rough treatment. He knew if he did, nothing would stop Tater from bashing in several faces, never mind that they were law enforcement.

The man in charge of arresting Tater, though, was distinctly too small to assist him standing up again. Tater had a good 6 inches on him. He also pretended that he didn’t understand a word that was being said. It was a good bet that they had no idea who it was that they were arresting. Bitty was both concerned and amused by how this was likely to pan out. As long as they kept their mouths shut until they could get a lawyer, they would be fine. That was the part that had Bitty the most concerned, keeping Tater from saying something that could be used against him in court.

That though caused Bitty to pause for a moment. These cops hadn’t yet read them their rights. What was up with that? Did they forget? Or were they not actually police and were some other form of federal agents. Maybe they were ICE. Lord, that was the last thing he wanted to deal with on his honeymoon.

The bunch of them were paraded in handcuffs above deck and past the tourists gathered together who were giving statements.

Bitty rolled his eyes when the old man who had visibly expressed his displeasure at Tater and his relationship pointed at him and told the officer interviewing him, “That one is part of this ring, too! They saw him and that man he was with and they all started speaking _Russian_.” Bitty kept his mouth shut, but it was a hard thing when all he wanted was to retort that speaking a different language wasn’t a crime. But, he didn’t think that’d go over well. Probably as well as telling the old bigot that same sex marriage was legal, now.

* * *

Jerry watched as the string of Russian mobsters was paraded through and taken down to the holding cells. And then he caught sight of two towards the back. One certainly did _not_ look like he belonged with the group. The other, well, he looked like he could but he kept trying to use his pinkie to hold onto any piece of the small blonde’s shirt that he could get hold of. Something about them seemed off and it made his senses tingle.

He knew if he said something, his concerns would just be brushed away. So, he did the only sensible thing he could, go to his desk and figure out where he had seen the two men before. Without anyone giving him their names, he knew he was in for a long search.

Jerry thumbed through various newspaper articles and kept coming up empty. He could have sworn that he had seen the pair of them on the cover of something recently, but he couldn’t put his finger on where. He was about to try to dip into the Russian media that he kept tabs on when he remembered that anything related to the both of them might be considered homosexual propaganda and banned in Russia.

He chewed on his pen. Why would a Russian that isn’t with the Russian mafia be in Hawaii with another man who he seemed emotionally invested in? Unless they were together? Jerry could almost physically feel the light bulb go off. He pulled up all the recent ESPN articles on hockey that he could find. Alexei Mashkov and Eric Bittle had gotten married. Two Olympic gold medalists in winter sports had met at the Olympics and fallen in love, leading to a whirlwind romance and eventually a wedding proposal. Jerry quickly searched for more articles on the two and was not disappointed.

“Oh my. Okay. Um -” the cover of Out Magazine was glaring back at him from the screen. It had a full and in depth spread on their wedding in Madison, Georgia and the details of their plans to vacation in Hawaii for their honeymoon. He quickly printed off the spread and rushed upstairs.

Detective Kelly was at the computer table. “The two - the two -” Jerry gulped for air and focused on his breathing.

“Hey there, brah! You okay?”

Jerry nodded. “Fine. Fine. But, two of the men you brought in aren’t Russian mafia. Well, one definitely isn’t. The other is Russian, but he’s not mafia. Unless you count ice hockey as organized crime. I mean - considering how many fights he’s gotten in and he _does_ get called an enforcer. But, he’s not the illegal type of enforcer.”

Chin’s eyebrows drew together in concern. “Which two?”

Jerry slapped down the cover of Out Magazine. “Alexei Mashkov and his husband, Eric Bittle. Both Olympic gold medalists. They just got married. They are here on their honeymoon. The resort that they stayed at has a bunch of excursions. The Lahaina Catamaran Tour is one of the available excursions.”

Chin blanched. “O - kay. He snapped up the page and speed-walked to the stairs that led to interrogation. He just hoped that McGarrett decided to start with someone actually involved and not a very innocent tourist.

The interrogation room was blissfully empty, but he could hear heavily-accented shouting coming from the holding cells. “You are not taking husband for interrogation. You take and I sue. Men come on board tour boat and handcuff tourists, not even read rights. Is violation. You touch husband and whole world knows police in Hawaii are homophobic dickbags.”

The small blonde pressed his head into the back of the large Russian that was ranting at Steve and Danny.

The man turned around and asked, “Is right phrase, yes?”

A slightly muffled voice answered, “Yes, sweetpea, it’s the right phrase. They are homophobic dickbags. And so is the old bastard who lied and said we were part of the crew.”

“Is just jealous am such lucky man to have beautiful and talented husband.”

Danny was staring at the Russian yelling at them, he had an odd look on his face. The one that said _I know you, but how_. “Babe, did you read them their rights? Or just go all super SEAL on them and forget that we have procedures in place?”

Steve had the grace to look guilty at the reprimand. “The boat’s hold was loaded with cocaine. They were all playing poker together.”

Danny pinched the bridge of his nose. “You know that anything that was said is now inadmissible in court, right? Without having their rights read to them, anything that was confessed or discussed on the boat or afterwards cannot be used. And playing poker with someone is not a crime. Or the entire team would be in jail multiple times over.”

“Danno -”

“Don’t Danno me! Just because I wasn’t there to book them properly does not excuse improper police procedure.”

Before they could devolve into a full on argument, Chin cleared his throat. “Guys, as much I love these little spats, you should see this.” He held out the magazine cover that Jerry had printed off. “Seems like they are just tourists in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Is what trying to say!”

Danny pressed himself in tight to Steve so that he could see the picture. “I knew it! He’s Alexei _fucking_ Mashkov.”

Both Chin and Steve turned and stared at Danny.

Chin blinked and idly waved the page Jerry handed him, “Yeah, it says so on the cover?”

“He plays for the Providence Falconers.” Danny spun on his heel and waved a finger in Tater’s direction. “I have half a mind to keep you in lock up after you laid that hit on Quenneville.”

Tater eyes widened for a brief moment, then broke out in a massive grin. “Is Devils fan! What is Devils fan doing all the way out in middle of Pacific Ocean? Is no hockey in Hawaii.”

“There’s no ice, either.”

Steve rolled his eyes, “There’s skiing sometimes on Mauna Kea, Danno.”

“Skiing. Sometimes.” Danny raised a hand, “Don’t even start with me, Steven.”

Tater reached through the bars and patted Danny on the shoulder. “You are such cute couple!”

Danny’s jaw dropped, indignant, he replied, “Couple?? We are _not_ a couple!” He underscored his point with a sharp slashing movement with his right hand.

“Yet.” Chin grinned as Danny spun around and faced him.

“What!?”

Chin snagged the keys to the cell from a studiously quiet Steve and motioned for Tater and Bitty. “Let’s take you upstairs and get your statements. Then let’s see about getting you back to your vacation.”

Tater wrapped his arm around Bitty and nodded. “Is sounding like plan. Have couple days left. No intention of leaving bedroom. Except maybe for food.” He paused and then amended his statement. “Maybe not even for food. Hotel has very good room service.”

Bitty blushed and pinched Tater’s side. “You really don’t need to tell them all that.”

“Am setting good example.” He waved a hand at Danny and Steve. “Clearly they not knowing what healthy romantic relationship looks like. Need to fix so that sexual tension does not get them hurt when boarding boats without proper search warrant.”

Bitty choked. “Tater! Let’s at least get out of the precinct before you say something that gets us thrown back in.”

Tater grinned. “Is free speech. Protected by First Amendment. That was question on citizenship test.” He glanced over his shoulder and stared directly at McGarrett. “Got 100% on test. Became American citizen two months ago, just in time to marry best person on planet. Maybe we not ever come back to Hawaii, though. Am sure that AGM of Falconers and PR will be liking to know how we are being treated and bad police that not know rights. Vacation on Mariana Islands for first anniversary, instead.”


End file.
